Mirrored with permission from Outpost Nine and Azrael

It's So...Quiet?!

I was scheduled to go into the school where I have to sit next to the noisy bastard. I was preparing myself for it mentally like I always do, but when I got there I found he'd taken a vacation day that day.

..........YES!!!! SWEET, BLESSED SILENCE!!!!

Apparently though, I'm not the only one who thinks this. All day long, all the other teachers kept saying "It's so quiet today." One teacher finally decided to say what everyone else was thinking. After the 4,000th "It's so quiet" remark, he sat back and said "Yeah, and you know exactly why. He's not here."

"Oh, is that so?" The other teacher feigns ignorance.

"You know it!" He points to the empty seat, and keeps pointing to it for awhile. "All day long, talking talking talking. And when he's not talking, he's on the PA system."

"Who is he talking to all day long?" In Japan they like to keep the pretenses up for as long as they can.

"He doesn't need a partner. He'll talk to the air around him." And this is true, if no one else is having a conversation he can jump in on, he'll literally just start chatting up the atmosphere around him.

It took everything I had to keep from cracking up at my seat. Not only because it was funny to see the other teachers had the exact same thoughts I'd had (and even written about), but mostly because the guy who was talking the most shit was Noisy Fucker #2, the guy he sits across from. Granted, Noisy Fucker #2's got NOTHING on the champ, but that doesn't make him any less of a noisy fucker. This guy will stand up in the morning meeting, every morning, and go "Well, I've got nothing in particular...but I'm gonna talk for the next 10 minutes anyway".

Anyway, The Champ returned the next day and wasted no time making up for lost speech. I had some spare time, so I tried to see how long he could go without making any sound at all. He never made it past 3 minutes. I think I was on my 20th time reset when I just threw up my hands and put my fingers in my ear or something.

He even makes noise when he enters the room! I shit you not, he opens the door and makes some kind of "Aaaahhh!" or "Whoooooooo!" or "Haaaaaaaa" sound. ....Who the hell does that?! Have you *ever* seen *anyone* make a vocal noise just from entering a room? He's not even talking, he's just making sounds for the hell of it. That's not fair! Can't we bring him up on "Disturbing the peace" charges or something like that? This almost certainly has to count.

I keep hoping one day his vocal chords will give out, but then I realized with all the training they get on an hourly basis, his throat muscles are probably stronger than my triceps.

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