Mirrored with permission from Outpost Nine and Azrael

Requiem For a Legacy - Part II

I should explain that I'd been in a bad mood pretty much all week. I won't get into why, but I'll just say I was in a major funk. I had trangressed above and beyond the limits of any Xanga/Live Journal angst. No! I'd ventured into true ANGST! territory. Even Linkin Park would have taken one look at me and said "Wow! Even we can't out-ANGST! him." It was that bad.

Ever see Spider-Man 2? In the film, everything is going the wrong way for Peter Parker, and he just doesn't feel like being Spider-Man anymore. As a result, he loses his powers while he's in his personal funk. I think something like that happened for me and my Kancho Sense�Eand Dodgedick Sense�E With my ANGST!-y apathy reaching astronomical levels, I just didn't have the heart for dick/ass preservation. Instead, I was ANGST!-ing out over the things that young males ANGST! out over. This would be my downfall.

Anyway, without my senses, wounded and vulnerable, I went to the ichinensei's class.

Here, I should explain another interesting quirk of the Japanese school system. Their final exams actually occur well before the end of the term. During that time after the tests, the teachers actually try to hold serious classes with instruction. However, this is immediately before a vacation, and none of the material they're covering will be on any kind of test. The students know this. Of course they don't want to pay attention, and are already forgetting what little they did learn. This is how I found the ichinensei that day. I was supposed to do Daily Questions...circulate around the classroom asking each student a simple question. I came to one boy in the second row and asked "What do you have for breakfast?" "No." He responds.

.....THAT IS NOT A YES/NO QUESTION!

Note to self - next year, institute the "English Mallet of Justice". Anytime you ask a question and get "Goodbye!" or "No!" or "Go to hell!" as a response, whip out the Mallet and dispense swift, extremely prejudiced Justice. It's called tough love, babies.

I tell him to try again. "No breakfast." He says this time. Well, closer. I finally get "I don't have breakfast" out of him and move on. "How's the weather today?" I ask the next boy. "Shining Moon!" he replies. ...I still can't even begin to comprehend that one. I tell him to try again. "Golden Moon!" He says this time, now pointing up at the sun. Well, getting closer I suppose. But that is not the moon! Keep in mind that the key word I'm looking for here is "sunny."

I move onto the next row, a girls row. Breasts Girl is up. "How many comic books do you have?" I ask. "One million" she says in Japanese. I tell her to say "one million" in English, but she says that's too hard. So I suggest she use a lower number, like 4 or 5. "How many comic books do you have?" I ask again.

"Penis" she replies. Great, you have penis comic books.

I tell her to try again, but use a number this time. "How many comic books do you have?" "Breasts." ....She's baaaaaaaack.

I managed to get through the Daily Questions and onto the main content of the class. While the teacher was explaining grammar, I did something I rarely do in class - I sat down. Yes, my ass STILL hurt from the previous *missed* kancho. That was no ordinary kancho - no, it was the Kancho to Rule Them All. I'm certain my forefathers felt that shit. Somewhere in history, Abraham Lincoln gets up, takes the podium, and says "Four score and seven - OW!! WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!".

Class eventually ended relatively incident-free, but I was still too deeply immersed in my ANGST! to notice or care that my two vital senses were down. The chimes rang, and with my defenses still down many other ichinensei now flooded into the room...

Previous: Requiem For a Legacy - Part I
Next: Requiem For a Legacy - Part III