Mirrored with permission from Outpost Nine and Azrael
Rico Suave Meets Velma
At one of my schools, I have nicknames for my kids. I have around 900-1000 students in total, so learning everyone's name is quite hard. It's easy to nickname them though, and at one school in particular there were certain attributes that just jumped out.
These are my personal nicknames - I don't actually call the kids these, and soon you'll see why. Not all of them are the nicest thing in the world, but I never claimed to be a saint.
Giggles - She never stops laughing. Ever. Apparently everything is funny. So, Giggles.
Bessie - Her face, her body, everything just droops down, like a cow. ...Hey, I warned you not all of these were nice. She's a nice girl, but apparently gravity has already kicked her ass.
Ah-buuh - She gained this nickname because her lips ARE NEVER CLOSED. She's a quiet girl so it's not that she's talking, it's just she always keeps her bottom lip hanging down, and the expression on her face..."Ah-buuh" is the sound you'd imagine coming from that face.
One day, I was in class, and I saw a girl I'd never seen before. I spent a few minutes trying to figure out who she was...a new student? A transfer? Did I just never notice her before? Eventually, I came to the shocking realization that it was Ah-buuh with her lips closed. I didn't even recognize her.
Gill - She has a face like a fish. Really, really nice girl. Just, aquatic.
Velma - This girl looks EXACTLY like the Japanese version of Velma from Scooby-Doo. EXACTLY. And I can't stress that enough. Case in point - one day I was walking with a friend, when I saw Velma in a store. "Hey, it's Velma!" I mistakenly said to myself. My friend had never seen this girl before or heard the nickname I'd given her, so he turned to me and said "Velma? Like Scooby-Doo? Who are you calling....(looks up)....HOLY SHIT THAT IS VELMA!"
Same kind of face, same hairstyle, same glasses, and it doesn't help that her uniform is a baggy polo shirt, a skirt, and knee high socks.
I'm still looking for the Japanese Shaggy.
Porn Star - I dunno why I gave this girl this nickname...she's really spunky and has a cute smile and is always energetic. Porn Star was the first thing I came up with. I'm a terrible person.
Rico Suave - Oh boy, this guy. He tries so hard to be cool, it's funny. He's always trying to pose in his chair, and then he's always slow to respond to questions because he's trying to think up something witty. He wants to be cool so bad but it all just comes off as cheesy. So, Rico Suave.
Mousey - This kid's the smallest in the ichinensei class, which basically means he's a runt. It also doesn't help his case that his ears stick out. But he's actually kind of a brat, so I don't feel too bad about this nickname.
Little Evil - This boy's face just always looks like he's pissed off. Even when he's smiling, but that happens rarely. So it makes him look kinda evil.
For the record, I had to call him Little Evil because I already use Big Evil to refer to a Japanese actor with an evil-looking face. I consider him the Christopher Walken of Japan. He always has to play bad guys cause no one would believe him as a good guy. He comes home to his kids and they run away screaming in terror.
Glenda - Much like Little Evil, Glenda just looks like a villain. Actually, she looks a lot like a witch. But this girl is super nice (she gave me chocolate on Valentines Day!) and I felt bad about giving her a bad nickname, so I used Glenda since she was the good witch in the Wizard of Oz. It works for her though.
Little Evil and Glenda are in the same class, and I always think "If they mated, their children would be pure evil." Those kids couldn't come out any other way.
I'll end this entry on a redeeming note. All the kids I gave nicknames to, I know their real names. By associating their real names with the nicks I gave them, I was able to properly remember their names. So I'm not all bad. At least I'd like to think so.
Previous: Japanese Kids Say the Darndest Things
Next: The Cows Worst Enemy
All works appearing on this page, or any subsequent page of Outpost Nine, are copyrighted to their respective authors. Steal them, and bad things will happen to you.