Mirrored with permission from Outpost Nine and Azrael
Catch-Up Part 1 - Skanks 'R Us
A few times, I've randomly mentioned something in an editorial with a backstory, and casually said "I'll explain that one some other time". I more or less forget about it, but apparently you all have not, as I've been reminded through email and the like. Well, I did say I would explain it, so here goes.
From In-Defense: A Quick FAQ:
"Some of my male friends, who work in high schools, have told me they've gotten propositoned for sex from some of the female students. I can thankfully say that's never happened to me. At least, not from my students. But, that's a story for another day."
Me and a friend went to a town not too far from here...we had dinner, and were looking for a place to get some drinks. This was maybe a Thursday or Friday night. We were in the middle of a sort of main street in front of the station. We knew a friend who lived in the area, so my friend phoned her to see if she knew where any bars were.
Meanwhile, There were 4 Japanese skanks sitting down in the main part of the street. They are all wearing *really* short shorts/skirts, and smoking cigarettes. The Head Skank kept staring at me, which I noticed. With my friend still on the phone, she waves me over.
Head Skank (In English): Picture. Picture.
Head Skank: Yeah, picture. (She points to me, and then herself and the other three girls)
Me (In Japanese): You want to take a picture with me?
Head Skank: ...You speak Japanese?
Me: Yeah, a little.
Head Skank: (turns to the other three) Wow, better than I thought! (back to me) Yeah, let's take a picture.
These girls look kind of skanky...but in Japan that's actually not all that uncommon, and so far that was the only thing I knew about them, so I didn't turn them down. Meanwhile, my friend finishes his phone conversation, and starts to head towards me and the girls.
Now, there had been a couple of police officers hanging around the square. When we'd first come, they tipped their hats to us and said "Good Evening". We were a bit relieved that they seemed to be nice, and weren't keeping an extra eye on us because we were foreigners. We also wondered why they were just standing around in the square.
As my friend finished his phone conversation and headed towards me, one of the officers went to walk past him...but bumped into him with his shoulder intentionally. He didn't say or do anything other than bump into him with his shoulder as he went by. My friend caught up with me, and I said I was going to go take pictures with these girls. He came along, but as he did he told me about what happened with the officer. At the time, we didn't know what to make of it.
As we walked, the Head Skank was asking me all sorts of questions...where I'm from, what I do, etc. I was kind of weary, so I kept my answers as brief and general as possible. We find a picture booth and take a few pictures. My friend is also trying to talk to the girls using English and his broken Japanese.
Friend: So, how old are you girls anyway?
Skank #2: We're 17.
Friend: 17?! High school students?!
Skank #2: Yep.
Friend: Weren't you guys just smoking? It's bad for you girls to smoke! Very bad.
Skank #2: (in Japanese) Oh, you don't know how bad we can be.
Friend: (to me) What'd she say?
Me: (translates her line)
Friend: ...Ho-oly shit.
The pictures developed, and the skanks went to get some scissors to cut the pictures and divide them. I turn and look, and my friend is completely gone. I mean, he teleported like a Japanese person the hell out of there! The skanks came back and gave me my portion of the pictures. I noticed they'd written stuff on them pertaining to me, like "This guy is really interesting" and "International relationships".
Head Skank: Hey, your friend's gone.
Me: Yeah, I don't know what happened to him...
Head Skank: That's ok. We can play with just you.
Me: Ho-oly fuck. Um, I think I need to find my friend.
Head Skank: Hey, where are you going?
Me: Um, I gotta find my friend, kthxbye!
And I wavedashed the hell outta there. I met up with my friend outside, who was still stunned from the age revelation. He told me that he realized something about the police officer though - he was trying to warn us. While my friend was on the phone, he noticed the officer watching the girls very carefully. Apparently, when I went over, he became concerned, but didn't want to interfere...so his walking past my friend and bumping into him was his way of trying to tell us to stay clear of that. We were sure that wasn't the first night those skanks were lounging around looking to pick someone up.
For those of you swearing me out for having passed up a potential (probable) foursome...I kick myself sometimes too. But there was also these things to consider. At the time, I had a serious girlfriend (ha!) and I really didn't want to cheat on her (ha!). She would have found out about it too. Everyone would have found out about it...that was another big reason why not, it would have damaged my reputation, ESPECIALLY as a teacher in a Jr. high school. Plus, I'd bet you good money they were dirty. Christina Aguilera Dirrrty. No way they weren't.
I still sometimes though think of the missed opportunity.
But oh! The worst part is, my friend and I finally did find that bar. We were sitting at the bar, talking casually to the bartender, who actually spoke English, about what had just happened. We even had the pictures to prove it. We weren't quite prepared for his reaction though...
Him: Oh...you guys are very lucky!
Me: ...'Scuse me?
Him: Oh, 17-year old girl is ideal! That's a good age. You should go and find them.
Friend: Dude, how old are you?
Him: I'm 37. I'm married. But that is my dream. To have my wife, and a 17 year old mistress.
Me: (to my friend) Japanese men are fucked up.
Friend: Kiyaa. (back to the bartender) Isn't that a little young?
Him: No, not at all! 17 is ideal! But 16 is still good. 15 is good too. 14 is actually very nice. 13...
Me, Friend: No! Stop right there!
Friend: Lower limit. Please.
Him: Next time you guys go out, can I come too?
Friend: Why's that?
Him: (pointing at me) I think he is very good at attracting 17 year old girls. If I go with you guys, maybe I can have your leftovers?
Sadly enough, that wasn't the last time I would have a conversation with a Japanese bartender over the appeal of underage girls. I told you them like 'em young here, but naw, you didn't believe me, didja?
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Next: Catch-Up Part II - Waist-shake
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