Mirrored with permission from Outpost Nine and Azrael

Kancho Confessionals

First things first - I didn't write this.

It's summer vacation. It's fuckin' hot. And I'm lazy. English teachers in Japan need a break too. Even if our "work" is primarily composed of looking busy at our desks, and finding new and exciting places to sleep around school.

I got this in my mailbox, and I found it to be absolutely hilarious. Despite it not being a poorly written flame, I decided to post it cause not only did I get a kick out of it, it goes to show I'm not making this stuff up, and this kind of insanity happens to poor hapless foreign teachers all across the country.

So without any further ado, I shall bow out and present - Kancho Confessionals.


Yo Az-

I was a JET for four years down in Kagoshima. I loved it, and reading your site brings back a lot of good memories and also those times that you just had think to yourself "What the Fuck?!". I have played my share of dodgedick and dodgeKancho. I have tried to explain to my friends that this perverted Japanese game is REAL, but to no avail.

Finally one of my friends came to visit me and I took him to school one day, he worked as an ESL Tutor at his University while finishing up a Masters in Literature. After two or three years I had finally gotten through to my kids that it is dangerous to play Kancho with me because, unlike yourself, I am the Bad Gaigin and resorted to your trademarked Gaigin Smash to end the game once and for all. I introduced my friend at Monday morning assembly and told the kids he would be comming to classes with me and please try to practice their English with him. This was apparently understood as "Fresh Blood - GAME ON!"

So much to my perverted pleasure I saw the kid making his way along the wall. But I figured my friend would never believe the stories until he had experienced them first hand; and did not give him any warning as a tiny set of ichinensei fingers were rammed into his rectum. Only baggy jeans saved him from the horror of actual penetration. He jumped about three feet in the air and did a 360 degree spin, the look of shock and horror on his face was pure gold. He turns to me as I am rolling on the floor and I manage to get out a "Now do you believe me?"

Roundtrip Ticket to Japan - 1500 US
Bus ride to school - 300 yen
Watching your Friend Kancho`d into a believer - PRICELESS

I know this is long but I got one more for you. I was an English camp counselor one year with a few other JETS for Shougakko (elementary school) kids from around the prefecture. The camp was held at at a pension/study center up in the Kirishima national park. It was a three night stay with the third night spent pitching tents and camping out. Every ALT was given a group of 10 - 12 kids to act as English counselor.

My friend Caviar, his kids had three little girls in his group that formed a Kancho clique - 2 Gonensei (5th grade) and 1 tiny Sannensei (3rd grade). They started up the kancho games almost immediately with my friend. And then he did the unspeakable. One of the girls walks by at dinner and Caviar sneaks up behind her and yells out "KANCHO" and nails a Gonensei. She screams as her friends burst out laughing and they all run away.

I just stared at him and shake my head in disbelief. He looks at me, shrugs and says, "I figured it was time for a taste of their own medicine". I shake my head and tell him "You poor, poor sorry fool. You don`t get it do you?! They will NEVER let that go. Mark my words, you WILL pay for that" He laughs and shrugs it off and tells me not to worry.

He continues to dodge their weak Kancho attempts for the next day and night. The last morning before we break camp and leave, Caviar and I wake up at 6 and head up to the bathrooms.

Everyone was allowed to pick a spot for their own tents, so Caviar and I pitched ours lower down the mountain than the kids in a small clearing. To get to the bathrooms you have to walk up a set of steep, 2 foot wide steps that are lined with tall pines and bushes on both sides. I`m 6` and Caviar is like 6`3, but even we had to really use a long stride to get up the stairs. *You can almost here the climax music playing in the background*

We get halfway up and Caviar is in mid-stride when the three girls, I have no idea how long they were hiding in the trees, jump out behind us and in some wicked 3 person tag team Kancho maneuver all give my friend the Kancho to end all Kanchos. They laugh wickedly and said "we told you we could get you" and run away.

I am rolling around on the ground cuz the look of sheer terror on my friend`s face will NEVER be forgotten. He is rolling around on the ground clutching his ass and looks up at me with sheer horror in his eyes and gasps out "they...they...they got Penetration!". Caviar had been wearing a pair of basketball shorts with NO boxers. Yes, the dumbass was free-balling it in the heart of enemy territory in the midst of a full blown Kancho war.

Well I know this was long but I wanted you to know that you got a great site and some of us know first hand what you`re talking about. Keep up the good writing.

Toobs - a former JET and Kancho dodger

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