Mirrored with permission from Outpost Nine and Azrael

It Has Begun

I went to the Entrance Ceremony at the Ghetto School. The Entrance Ceremony is just to celebrate the new ichinensei class coming into the school. ...No, they didn't pass any insane entrance exams or run The Gauntlet or anything like that - they just finished the last year of elementary school and became jr. high schoolers. Why does this warrant a ceremony? Well, Japan loves boring and pointless ceremonies, the end.

So a new school year has started. How things stand at the Ghetto School - the Cherry Boys are gone. The ichinensei are all ninensei now. The ninensei are all sannensei. Those ninensei bastards are now sannensei bastards, and have somehow gotten *worse*. I don't know what the new ichinensei are like, I haven't had class with them yet. As they marched in, I tried to identify any possible Kancho Assassins, but my senses are still down so I came up with nothing.

After the ceremony, as everyone was filing out of the gym, I just happened to be walking right in the middle of...the old ichinensei, now ninensei. Ultimate Kancho/Chidori boy comes up to me and says hi. I give him the benefit of the doubt and don't run away or Gaijin Super-Kick him or anything else pre-emptive. He asks to see my right hand...I'm a little suspicious, but it's only my hand, right? I reluctantly give it to him. He takes it...and suddenly I feel something weird. What is that? Am I hungry? Nope, that's not it. Sick? Nope, that's not it either. Horny? God I hope not. I quickly realize that it's a very low-key, mellow version of my Dodgedick Sense?, mildly tingling. I begin to make evasive maneuvers just as the boy takes a stab at my dick.


This wasn't even a grab attempt, this was a fast, David Carradine "Grasshopper I keel you!" stab at my dick! Thanks to my last minute warning, he missed and merely jabbed my thigh. He ran outside, smiling over his own cleverness. I ended that shit by catching up to him and grabbing him by the arms. You'd think by this time, they would have adjusted to my Surprising, Blinding Speed, but nope, they still don't expect it. I wondered what to do with him...I thought maybe some good 'ol fashioned torture would work, so I slung him over my shoulders by the arms and carried him around for a bit. I got tired of that fast though, so I put him down, and sent him off with a "Seventeen Years of Pain!" or something like that.

Meanwhile, Breasts Girl and her cohort catch up to me. "What's (penis) in English?" She asks. Not this again. ...And why does she always pick now, in the middle of EVERYBODY to ask this? Since it was the Entrance Ceremony, it wasn't just teachers and students this time, there were a lot of dignitaries there, like the town mayor, some big shot from the board of education, and the PTA. ...Waitaminute, the PTA?! Aren't they just some bored housewives/husbands with nothing better to do? You'd think, but here in Japan the PTA is like some Italian mob-owned, GOD-like Organization. ...The PTA. Don't fuck with us, or we'll ruin your bake sale. ...Bitches.

I tell her there's no way I'm telling her that. She continues on with penis for a bit, until she changes it and asks "What's oppai in English?" ....And we're back. I pointed out that I'd already told her this, but she says she's forgotten. "Too bad for you!" I said. "C'mon," her friend urges, "tell us. It was something like bust, wasn't it?"

Again, I'm completely amazed. It was probably a pure coincidence that she said bust, but how often do you fudge up the prounciation of a word into a completely different word, and yet have it be more or less accurate? I wish I could do that in Japanese. And I wish they had these kinds of skills with English that didn't have to do with anatomy. But I guess beggars can't be choosers.

However, with me completely distracted by Breasts Girl *yet again* (she has a way of doing this), Ultimate Kancho comes back and makes another attempt. But you have to realize, I was walking IN THE MIDDLE of a crowd of ninensei students. He effortlessly and unnoticeably maneuvered his way through a crowd of students, parting them like Moses parting the fucking sea, to take a stab at my ass. I was thinking of the best way to lay my wrath upon him, when I feel something going for my dick. I turn to see Rasengan Boy, smiling as he too disappeared away into the Sea of Students. *bloink!* Whoa, hey, that's my ass again! I turn to see yet another conspirator from the "Requiem For a Legacy" attack, smiling and fading away. *whammo!* Goddamnit, my ass again! I turn one more time to see the boy who'd said before "Don't look at me, I'm not in on this" making a hasty retreat. ....Et tu, Brute?

It's gonna be a long year.

Previous: Last One, I Swear

Next: Japanese People Say the Darndest Things

Return to the "I Am a Japanese School Teacher" Index

All works appearing on this page, or any subsequent page of Outpost Nine, are copyrighted to their respective authors. Steal them, and bad things will happen to you.