Mirrored with permission from Outpost Nine and Azrael

My Kids Are Perverted 2

I love the sannensei at the ghetto school. They're really nice, funny, energetic, and spirited. It's such a change from the bastard sannensei from last year and the bastard ninensei we've got now. I really enjoy going to the sannensei's classes, because it's always fun and interesting.

They're still pervs though.

I know I've said this before, but what you are about to read is a completely true story - nothing has been added, changed, or even embellished. I know you're thinking "But I've already read some radical stuff on here", but in a minute you'll understand why I say this again.

So one day I went to a sannensei's class at the ghetto school. This class happened to have two of the boys who'd cornered me one day and asked if I was a Cherry Boy. Usually at the start of every class, I ask the students some random English questions as a warm-up. Today, as my last question, I decided to open it up and ask the students if they had any questions for me. They all looked around nervously, until one boy raised his hand and in English asked "Do you love your girlfriend?" I sharply said "No. Next Question!" But this of course got their attention, and they wanted more info. My English teacher (the one with the big-headed boyfriend) was aware of everything that'd happened, and realizing it was kind of a sensitive subject, silenced the students and ushered them into the lesson.

As soon as we broke for pairwork though, Cherry Boy #1 (really wish I had a better nickname for him) came up to me and asked if I'd separated with my girlfriend. I said I did. He asked why, and I tried to wave him off, but he was persistant so I just caved.

Me: She cheated on me.
CB: Really? You too?
Me: Too?
CB: Yeah, my girlfriend cheated on me too. It's terrible.
Me: I know what you mean. My ex cheated on me with 5 guys in 4 months.
CB: 5 guys. ....5 guys?! What a slut!
Me: Tell me about it.
CB: She was Japanese, right?
Me: Yep.
CB: Japanese girls kind of suck.
Me: Tell me about it.

Having satisfied his curiousity, I finally got him to go back to his seat and work on the skit with his partner, Cherry Boy #2. After awhile though, CB #1 called me to his chair to "ask a question", but it really just turned out to be another "cheating women suck" rant. I agreed with him, and at this point we actually had quite a discussion on the rammifications of being cheated on and how it makes us distrust women. It was quite the man to man (man to boy?) talk, even if afterwards it again left me pondering the sequence of events in my life that led to me having a pow-wow with a 15 year old Japanese boy about cheating women.

At one point, he spoke up loudly and, addressing all the girls in the class, said "You hear that girls? Don't cheat on your boyfriends. It's the worst! We'll never be able to trust you." I suppose I should have told him to focus on the lesson, but he was actually giving some good advice so I decided to let it slide this time.

They went back to working on the skit, but CB1 came up to the front of the class at one point to ask me a question. For some unexplained reason, as he came, he decided to point out all the students in the class who'd had sex. "Yeah...she's had sex, her too, him, her, and oh yeah, those two had sex with each other." He pointed to a boy in the first row and a girl in the second. They both looked up at him as he said this, and in response he said simply "Yeah, you guys had sex together." The girl, embarrased, giggled, while the boy gave me a "Yeah, I hit that." sheepish smile. This particular boy is really good, and a great English student, if not a bit on the geeky side, so I was kind of happy. Ok, I know, I know! Fifteen-year olds having sex is just wrong and I don't condone it, not in the least. But I still kind of wanted to give him a high-five.

But if nothing else, I was really impressed with CB1's intelligence-gathering skills. The CIA should hire him ASAP.

After a while, he and CB2 were finally ready to present the skit. It was from the lesson, a trip to the doctor's.

CB1: (As "Doctor") Hi Mark, what's wrong?
CB2: (As "Mark") I have a fever.
CB1: (As "Doctor") When did it start?
CB2: (As "Mark") Last night.
CB1: (As "Doctor") Ok, open your mouth.
CB2: (As "Mark") Ahhhhhhhh.
CB1: Ahhhh?
CB2: Ahhhhhhhh. Ahhhhhhh yeah.
CB1: Oh.
CB2: Ohhhhhhhh yeahhhhhh. Oh! Oh! Ohhhhhh yeahhhhhh.
Me: Oh please stop.
CB2: You get it right? You understand?
Me: Yeah, I get it.
CB2: Of course he does. He's not a Cherry Boy.
Me: ....Yeah. So! Mark has a fever...

They finally got through the skit, and eventually class ended. They were supposed to write comments to me. CB2 had just scribbled "Ohhhhh yeahhhh!" all over the comments box, but the teacher made him erase it. As students were filing out, CB1 came up to me once more.

CB: Cheer up. Don't let your ex get you down, she's the worst. You'll find a new girl. ...How about teacher?
Me: Teacher? Nah. My head's probably too big for her.
CB: ...What?
Me: Sorry. Personal joke. Anyway, she already has a boyfriend.
CB: Yeah, but you can probably take her from him.
Me: ...Gaijin Smash?
CB: ...What?
Me: ...Sorry, personal joke again.

So CB left, but not before getting in another hearty "cheating girls suck!" and giving me a thumbs-up approval to hit on the teacher.

I told you I needed to reiterate that this is a 100% true story.

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Next: Round 3

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